Reconnecting to Self

One of the things every person on this planet has in common is that they had a childhood. We were all once adorable, vulnerable little beings. Once upon a time, we were oblivious to the rules of the world. Our needs were basic and innocent. We all just wanted to learn, play and be loved. As we grow up, we encounter all kinds of people and experiences that we learn from. We try our best to adhere to the rules and guidelines of society, and along the way, we pick up some messaging that can either be helpful or detrimental to our wellbeing. We make decisions that expand our growth or limit it. All of this shapes us into the matured versions of ourselves that we experience today.

Depending on your circumstances, your connection to the original version of yourself might feel strong or it may feel like you are deeply disconnected to who you once were. Maybe there are certain situations that provide opportunities to reconnect with the genuine expression of your soul, like when you create art and get into a state of flow. Maybe it’s when you’re reading, hiking or playing with animals. If you really pay attention, there are people, places and activities that truly make you feel alive. In those moments, you enliven the relationship with the little version of you, the parts of you that want to have fun, to express who you are and be joyful with others.

I feel like nostalgia is a powerful tool for healing, especially when done with healing in mind. Inner child work has become more and more popular over the years. It wasn’t being taught in school when I attended university. It was considered pseudo-psychology and not “real” psychology. I understand the need for scientific proof and research, and also, I personally believe that if a concept works for you on an individual basis and it helps you feel better, then that is evidence that it is real for you. If a practice makes a difference in your wellbeing, gives you insight into yourself and helps life to feel lighter, then that is real psychology. If it works for you, then it’s real. If it feels right in your heart, then you can validate it for yourself regardless if others define it as legitimate in their books.

Inner child work is a symbolic relationship with yourself, using your memories from childhood. We combine our memories of our childhood with the power of our imagination, as we infuse into those memories the healing, wise, loving care that our mature selves can offer. We give ourselves the exact advice that we needed to hear during our younger years. Care and comfort from others are extremely nice, but only WE know the exact words that we need to hear to truly feel better. We can provide a level of attunement to ourselves that is truly unmatched. When we get really good at inner child work, it feels like we rewrite the past.

Inner Child Work Exercise

Because inner child work can tap into emotions on a deep level, it’s important to start small and work your way up to more challenging situations, as you feel ready. Listen to your intuition.

During an emotionally charged moment or conflict with another person, take the time to sit with yourself and see how the emotions you are experiencing in the present moment relate to past memories. For example, maybe I see people at work getting along super well and I feel a little tinge of sadness because I want to connect with them too and feel like a part of the gang. If I think back to when I first experienced a similar feeling, a memory comes to mind of me being rejected from some kids during recess in kindergarten.

Begin by imagining the little version of you re-experiencing that moment. Now, as vibrantly as possible, imagine a mature version of yourself coming in and meeting with that younger version of you. The mature version of you is able to give the small version of you all the exact words, hugs and care that is needed in that moment. Use your imagination and your mind’s vision to create this, cinematically, in your mind. Allow yourself to experience the relief and safety of your care. Soak in the attunement. Practice visualizations like this regularly, when the moment feels right for it.

Even people who haven’t reached adulthood yet have the power to give themselves meaningful advice. Knowing the exact way we need to be comforted is available to us at any age. Heck, even my toddler son has spouted out some wise words of self-care, as simplistic as they may seem. “Mommy, if they are mean to me, I will put them in the toilet.” There are some very powerful nuggets of truths in there. I know good advice when I hear it; I want to surround myself with kind, loving people and will gently let go of (in the toilet, if needed) anyone who purposefully hurts or antagonizes me. My toddler son, on some unconscious level, understands boundaries and knows that he can shape his environment to ensure his wellbeing.

I’m not sure we were ever meant to be disconnected from our child versions of ourselves. Life is meant to be fun. Life is meant to be experienced. Your life is meant to look and feel how you want it to look and feel. And who could better define that than the core version of who you are, the building blocks of your being? Some people might think that reconnecting to our younger selves is a silly, waste of time. Some people might fear it, if there is trauma there. But let me reassure you, inner child work is meaningful. Nostalgic healing is powerful. It is full of purpose. It is full of potential.

Go find the songs you listened to when you were teeny tiny. Go listen to what inspired you when you were growing up. Reopen the moments when you felt deeply excited about the wonders of life. If you have diaries and journals from that time, go revisit the innocence of your thoughts back then. Relearn who you are. Truly know who you are. Create moments of reconnection and compassion with your amazing, core self. Find ways to look at the child version of yourself with the same love and adoration we give to our baby nieces, nephews or grandchildren.

For the wellbeing of others, we often try to be the good friend, the compassionate listening ear or the safe shoulder to cry on. It is just as important to be that safe person to ourselves too, especially to the parts of us that are the most vulnerable and in need of care and protection.

Have fun reconnecting with little you. Have fun returning to yourself.

Have fun finding the fun!